Built With Integrity
by riotingskye
Summary: "You could be anyone if you tried." - Character study of the Blood Gulch characters to match the character study of the Freelancers


You are Captain Richard Simmons

You are a member of Red Team- or were

You don't know who, or what army you belong to, but you're just trying to make it through the days and not die.

You don't think it would be too bad if you died doing good though, you would just prefer not to.

You've been through a lot of shit, you do your best, and that's all you've ever done, and no one appreciates that. You're just waiting for the day when someone finally recognises you for the brilliantly smart man that you've become. That you think you are

Alongside you, every step of the way, has been Dexter Grif. You say that you hate him, can't stand him, and most of the time, you cannot. He's an asshole, just like everyone else you know, but he's always been there, and that has to count for something in this horrible mess that has become your life.

You've known him longer than anyone else you've ever known. You've spent more time with him. So it goes without saying, that Captain Dexter Grif, also, previously or currently, of the Red Army, is important you, Richard Simmons. That doesn't mean that you have to like it.

He might have shaped a lot of who you are and you can't bring yourself to care too much for that fact.

You love him.

He's more of a family than your actual family

He's better than the father who left you

He's better than the mother who tried to change you

He ensures that you are not, and never will be, alone in the chaos of life.

That's the thing that scares you the most, being alone, not having anyone to guide you

You want order and guidelines and methods and correctness and rules.

In his own, complicated way, Grif gives that to you.

You need him.

You want a lot of things, but you need him.

It's terrifying and fails to make sense to you, so you ignore that little fact, you hope that it might go away, or you try to bury it all, along with the feelings and facts and data that isn't technically correct- you never were great at computers or science or math, you were just average.

That's what terrifies you the most- you're so hung up on not being mediocre that you bury who you are at heart under false words and pretences and there's this awfully fake arrogance that falls over your words like an avalanche, but somehow, you manage to stop it, when it counts, so that no one ever suspects you of falseness.

It's amazing.

It's terrifying.

You could be anyone if you tried.

You could escape Richard Simmons and start over-

If only that didn't mean leaving Grif behind, you think you might somehow pluck up the courage to do it, one day.

You know you have the chance.

You just need to work on your flaws, Simmons

You need to stop seeing yourself as the terrible person you think you are- truly you are not quite so terrible

After all, you are a soldier, in space

You are a space soldier who has somehow managed to win wars and bring down a corrupt organization.

It took a lot of luck and incoherent team work, but you succeeded

Do you not see what you have the chance to be?

You keep ending up in the same old rut, using the same old methods to claw your way out- doesn't it ever get exhausting?

All this repeating must drive you crazy.

You drive yourself crazy on some days.

You like to pretend it's easy

You like to pretend it's hard.

You build up all of these false ideas and get a twisted enjoyment out of watching every single thing you've built up around you crumble down.

You thrive on failure sometimes Simmons.

You like being weird and lonely and there's enjoyment in being ostracised.

It's because you don't know anything else, you never have.

You have been changing lately

They've all noticed it

You are a self-centred, know-it-all kiss-ass on your best days

You got attention and you liked it

That attention changed you, Richard Simmons, because these people regarded you as the hero that you've always wanted to be, you've understood what it means to help others, and it's changed you for the better.

You only had to use a little falseness to boost your own ego.

The rest is truth.

Doesn't it feel good?

Doesn't it make you want to be a better person?

You are trying, Simmons

You try so hard, like you always have done, but now, you have a goal, an ideal to reach for

And it feels so good to try for something

You are Richard Simmons

You are trying

It doesn't matter where people seem to think you belong

You know what's right for you

You know who is right for you

You're not about to let anything mess with you

You are **_N O T_**

about to let _anything_

mess with your friends


End file.
